Posted by ParentalAdvisory: "Now see, you were in a controlled enviroment and found it to be torture. Now imagine you have some scumbag CIA or military officer doing this to you not knowing what else they're capable of. That's like 20x the fear, IMO, of what you went through!"
I don't think it would really matter whether the scumbag in question was CIA, Al Quaeda, my wife or you. After experiencing it, I'm not sure it would necessarily be worse if somebody else was doing it, it would just be more protracted.
Frankly, it felt infinitely terrible. The reaction was totally involuntary and totally automatic even though it was self- inflicted. It would be worse if somebody else was doing it because they might not realize when you reach that magic point and keep doing it, but really I found that magic point to be as bad as it can possibly get whether I did it or somebody else.
Originally Posted by gonzomax: "There have been cases of soldiers going through waterboarding in training and having psychological damage from it. Both you and the soldiers had an advantage. You did not have it done by an enemy that hates you and may screw up and kill you."
You say that, and it may be true. I'm trying to be honest about this, and I think you're wrong.
In most normal situations where pain is involved, it feels to me like control is important. Things that would otherwise be horrifying and intolerable were livable when I felt like I was in control. For three examples, I had third degrees burns on my hands when I was a kid, bad ones. Once the damage was done it, hurt terribly. It was horrifyingly bad, the worst physical pain I ever felt, and it went on and on.
But I was still me. I could feel myself through the pain. I knew that the doctors who were washing or scraping my hands to eliminate infection or scarring were trying to help me not hurt me, and I could keep myself still and I was in control.
Similarly, I was in control during my vasectomy which was pretty damn painful and uncomfortable. I was in control during a root control.
With the waterboarding, at the moment I hit the magic spot where I was drawing water in, I was no longer me, I was no longer in control. It felt out of control and dying.
I honestly feel that it doesn't matter who's doing it, that the matter of control was inconsequential, totally involuntary and besides the point.
In short, this was on a totally different level than anything I had ever felt before. It felt like an automatic hardwired panic.
The loss of control may prime you beforehand. The fear may get to you, and it may last longer if somebody else is doing it to you. In the lasting longer, it may be worse in quantity, but you really can't get worse than infinite and total surrender and panic, and that's what it felt like.
Does that make sense?
It's not so much the pain. The pain itself is simply discomfort. There is a total instinctual panic that I felt that was not only uncontrollable, but seemed to me that the very idea of seeking to control it is itself inconceivable.
Pure hardwired instinct.
Originally Posted by ParentalAdvisory: "I get it, dying is dying is dying. But you weren't in any kind of confinement with people who could care less about you. IMO, you would have a different experience with having terrorists do it to you, and another with your wife doing it to you. No doubt however, you've had some extreme feelings after having done it yourself now giving you a new perspective, but I still feel it would be a heck of a lot worse if you were detained and it performed by nut jobs."
Ok. You're allowed. It seems logical. I would normally agree with you. For example, I voluntarily got vasectomized. It hurt. It was bad and scary. It would have been horribly worse if it was involuntary and in a torture situation.
This was different though.
I'll try to explain it. Even though the situation I described of the vasectomy would be horribly worse if it were involuntary, without anesthesia, and done malevolently, all the things that would make it worse would be things that would prey upon a lucid mind. It is conceivably possible that if you are tough enough, you could tough it out.
Waterboarding feels like it completely bypasses lucidity, or anything that's in your control. The psychological aspects would be terrifying going into it, no doubt. I just feel that the actual sensation is on a whole different order.
Originally Posted by ParentalAdvisory: "I see where you're coming from. I guess our disconnect is the AFTER feelings. You likely aren't going to be PTSD on us. Where as someone in Gitmo having the same thing done to them will carry that weight on with them for the rest of their lives, assuming they survive it."
Well, then we have no disconnect. Ten minutes after, I was fine. There was just no chance I was gonna let it happen again. If somebody was doing it over and over again, one might go permanently mad. No question in my mind.
All I was trying to say is that once you have totally and complete panic and surrender, you can't surrender or panic to any greater degree.
I sure hope it's true, and objectively I beleive it's true. But, I don't think the sensation could be worse, it could just damage you more by lasting. I found it true in my ultramarathoning that when things hurt as bad as they possibly can, they just don't get worse.
To quantify it, look at it this way. Let's say the maximum human distress a person can voluntarily withstand is 10.
Waterboarding was a 1,000.
It's not pain. It's in a totally different league. It's something different. It's like somebody pulling your plug.
I did read up quite a bit before I tried it. The main danger is cardiac arrest. It will take you three to four minutes to asphyxiate. Waterboarding will take you about ten seconds before total surrender. Just long enough for your lungs empty, and begin to draw water.
From my understanding, you are in no physiological danger (besides the cardiac arrest thing) as long as you keep your lungs above the water line. You won't actually drown. The problem is that your body doesn't know this and your reaction is completely involuntary.
So, I have no doubt that it can be done safely. Which has nothing to do with the fact that as far as I'm concerned it is the worst torture imaginable.
I understand the CIAs point, or anybody who might defend it. "Hey, it's easy. It's safe. They give up instantly. There's no physiological damage. It gets total capitulation."
I believe those points are true and valid.
My merest taste simply suggests that by any definition of torture this is as bad as it gets. While on the surface, it doesn't seem that bad, it is worse than you can imagine.
You can't do this to another human being and stay human and remain moral.
G.